The Days of Leaves

Being a CA Final student itself is a journey that I cherished most. I feel the changes it brought in me, from being a shy boy unable to express his ideas to a confident person who can discuss important areas with seniors.

 But every CA Aspirant has one thing common  I feel in this journey to the Finals - The Days of Leaves. I was very anxious before my leaves that how will I manage the studies, its been 2 years I haven't given any exam and nor prepared in such a manner. There are 8 papers and 5 months all seemed too less to me then.

I came back to my hometown to my home for study as I felt comfortable here. I took few hours maybe to plan my next 5 months and how to deal with them. On paper all seemed pretty well, but in reality its not a piece of cake one can easily cut.

Initially it was really hard to put 10 hours a day. I used to check my laptop regarding updates on office work and how's it all going, because mind always does things which isn't  necessary at the point.

But also I saw lots of interview of rank holders, that gave a boost. Furthermore i wanted to work in top consulting firms, which wasn't possible until i have a rank that too in top 20. I knew i was good in studies but to get such a rank was not easy.

I started studying with all hearts, sometimes i sat for 16 hours a day, because i felt that i cant squeeze out 10 hours at stretch, so have to give more time. I continued this more very long. It started going well and boosting my confidence that passing and even getting a rank seemed plausible.

I felt more pumped when in some mock tests I performed really well, but after a point of time, I started question everything - my strategy, my understanding, my memory and what not. I led to less focus and more fear and worsening of performance. I started indulging myself in series and movies and have guilt trip every morning. But the thing happened to me wasn't happening to me. I happened to most of my peers in some way or another and it was due to being confined within four walls for a long period.

As a human we tend and live by interacting with others and during the leaves the most conversation I had was "Dude, what's your status? are your targets achieved?".

But somehow time passed by and October came. The worst phase of my leaves. I literally felt ill one month before the exams and that took a toll on me and my mental peace. Even after recovering form illness, I couldn't focus at all, rather I felt my earlier studies went wasted as I couldn't recall a single thing. I hit the ground zero. where I planned to give enough time to each subject so I would be done for the exam 1.5 days, I was feeling whether I am going to pass or not and my worst fear of failing in Audit seemed too real then.

But I tried to keep my cool and went on doing according to my plan hoping that it wont go in vain.

Now the D-day came, the days where all 5 months prep will summed up to into next 16 days of my life. The first exam was a disaster, the googly no one ever expected. And to be honest its really disheartening when your first exam went in such a manner. Then one by one all exams went, some went well some went okay, God knows what will be the results, but there was one thing I realized during the exams was that I wasn't able to complete audit in 5 days of prep and it always haunted me that how the hell I am gonna do it in 1.5 days, but somehow I was able to do so. 

The feeling of the exams was something I won't forget and one should enjoy it.